he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
