Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
