I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
