Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
