i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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