Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
