you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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