I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
