Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
