so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
