FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
