Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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