Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
