Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
