you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
