kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
