chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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