I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
