May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
