just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
