You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She's the barista slut.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
