Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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