Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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