Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
