Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
