I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
