I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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