and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
