the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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