my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize