Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
