The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dick very happy bro
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
