Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
