This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
