I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
