hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
