ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
