I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
