New low: just hacked my moms facebook
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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