You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She's the barista slut.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
