i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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