There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize