I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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