i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
