He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
