these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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