My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
