Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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