so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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