Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
