Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
