i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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