her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
