I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
