Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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