I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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