last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
