She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
