im drinking this country out of the recession.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
