loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
