I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
