I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
