I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
