Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
