oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So many bounce houses so little time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
