She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The best revenge is premature balding
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
