I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
