I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
