Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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