She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
