Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
