i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
where are my eyebrows?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
