Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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