I hate all girls vehemently.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm getting married
To pizza
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