so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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