she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
