Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
