Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
