actually, I'm a sock model
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
