I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
