I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
