Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
