Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
