Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize