Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
