so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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