i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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