i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize