Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
