woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize