it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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