she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
