So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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