Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
