Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize