I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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