Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize