Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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