Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
