just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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