When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
