i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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