She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize