he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
