I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i drank out of a bidet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
