I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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