go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
