just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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