dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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