That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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