This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
