upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
