Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
