Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
