remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
