I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
