Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this hospital has no fireball
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
