Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
