I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
