I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
