dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize