dude i'm inner monologue high
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
