Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can't turn off my feet"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
