If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
