I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
