yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
