dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
